WILLingness to Forgive...

The message yesterday at church was on forgiveness.

It was good. Altho the comment was made that it's easier for some to understand that they are forgiven than it is to forgive other people.

I dunno. Sometimes I think it would be easier to forgive other people than forgive myself.

I can be really hard on myself and carry stuff around that I don't need to mess with.

"I shouldn't have mentioned that! Why did I say something so dumb? Now she'll think I don't know what I'm doing and I'll be in big trouble! Why am I so stupid?! What's wrong with me?!"

And so on...and so on.

It's perfectionism, I think. The pressure I put upon myself to perform to some standard of whatever. It causes me to question myself and my actions TOO often...if that makes sense.

I'll dwell on my mistakes for days on end...

ugh.

How do you fix that? Well, Aaron talked about what true forgiveness looks like..."choosing to accept the blood of Jesus as full payment for what the offender did...it's not feelings based...and it's an act of will." I'm considering how that applies to forgiving myself...and it falls into the act of will area. I have to replace my negative comments about myself with something else.

That's not easy. It actually WILL take an act of will.