Relationships and Rat Traps

As I've been thinking about expectations and how they affect our relationships with others, I've been reminded of how much impact we have in the lives of each other.

Don't believe me?

Read on, my friend...

A rat looked through a crack in the wall of the farmhouse just in time to see the farmer and his wife opening a package.

"I wonder what that is?" the rat said to himself, "Some new kind of food, perhaps?"

But the rat was disappointed to learn that the package was not food at all...but a rat trap. Retreating to the farmyard, the rat proclaimed the following to all who could hear him:

"There is a rat trap in the house now! There is a rat trap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, then raised her head and said, "I can tell, Mr. Rat...that this is a grave concern to you...but it is of no consequence to me! I cannot be bothered by your petty problems!" The chicken went on scratching in the dirt.

The rat saw the pig nearby and told him the news. "There's a rat trap in the house now, Pig!"

The pig smiled sympathetically at the rat. "I am so very sorry for you, Mr. Rat, but there's nothing I can do about it. So sorry..."

The rat turned to the cow. "Did you hear that there's a rat trap in the house?"

The cow nodded knowingly, "Yep, I heard that, Rat. It's too bad...but it's no skin off my nose now, is it?"

The rat, now feeling very dejected, hung down his head and went slowly back into the farmer's house...to face the trap alone.

And...that very night...a sound was heard throughout the farmyard. SNAP! The trap had caught its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to it. But in the darkness, she could not see the venomous snake whose tail was stuck in the trap, and the snake bit the farmer's wife.

The farmer rushed her to the hospital...and she returned home...with a fever.

Everyone knows that one of the ways to treat a fever is with chicken soup, so the farmer got out his hatchet and went out to the farmyard for the main ingredient.

However, the wife's sickness continued, and as friends and family came to take care of her around the clock, the farmer killed the pig in order to feed them.

But the wife did not get well...and died one night. So many people turned out for her funeral that the farmer's cow was sacrificed so that they could eat after the service.

The rat watched all of this from the crack in the wall with great sadness.

The moral is: the next time that you hear someone facing a problem and think that it doesn't concern you...remember, when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.

That's why encouraging each other and keeping an eye out for each other is so important. Relationships matter!!!

I know we're all busy...each day I myself have the potential to need to be in four places at once. We can't 'do it all'...that's not what I mean. But we cannot keep saying, "I don't have time." or "I'm too busy." or "Maybe tomorrow." Don't put off the relationships in your life...pick one person to really connect with this week, okay?

A yoke...over easy.

I went to my daughter's play rehearsal this evening. In an effort to save on some gas and to see her 'in action'.

I watched the students move a large set piece off of the stage in order to get ready to rehearse. At first, there were three of them trying to move it...and it wouldn't budge.

At one point I think someone said, "I can't hold onto this much longer. It's too heavy!"
And that got me to thinking some more about this idea of verbs and nouns and 'expectancy' vs. 'having expectations'.

I think we should live expectantly. I think that's what God does with us...just as The Shack mentioned.

I think we should change our expectations into expectancy...take them from the noun form that they are and turn them into action.

When I consider this idea as I think about how I relate to others...I'd much rather 'live expectantly' than 'have expectations'. They (expectations) seem 'heavy' to me...and carry with them the burden of the possibility of disappointment.

It's a good visual for me. This idea of my holding onto something tightly...to the point of white-knuckling. To hold onto a selfish expectation that life should 'go my way for crying out loud!'(you know...just for example), is like holding desperately onto a heavy set piece...wanting someone to come and take some of that weight away...to make that load lighter.

As I'm learning to embrace God's love for us (for me!) in such a way that...while God knows what we're going to do (and that, my friends...is my belief!)...and to consider that He is there...expectantly living with me...that He has this hope for what He's created...that He just....wants to be a part of my life...even when I do (or don't do) what He 'expected'...well, I think that's what grace looks like...

When I think about my relationships with difficult people...and how they have never (well...rarely, for sure!) met my selfish expectations of what they should be...and how distressed I get about that...the refreshing change of heart that happens when my trying to see them (to see you!)as the human being that God created and whom God expectantly watches with me...to remember that He's on my team...makes it a little easier for me to live expectantly...rather than grip so tightly onto those heavy expectations of mine...tenaciously holding onto them and then throwing them down when they disappoint me.

But that's just me...anyhoo...

Back to the rehearsal...

at one point, I heard some kid holler, "Hey, can I give you a hand?"

And that's what I think I hear God hollering to me...as my knees buckle under the expectations...those heavy, weighty objects that they tend to be. Expectancy moves me in the right direction. Having expectations just weighs me down.

"God! Grab that corner!" I hear myself say.

My friends, stop trying to carry it all yourself. Give God a hand...

and give yourself a hand too! You are so loved!!!

Joy Dishwashing Soap

Last time I wrote, I got some good questions about the whole verb/noun alive/dead stuff I mentioned...and some more thoughts on expectations vs. expectancy.

So...I thought we'd think about these a little more this week. I realize that perhaps you have not read The Shack...and maybe I'm making assumptions of you (or have expecatations??) and need to clarify my ideas. Even if I don't have to clarify...this fascinates me; so I'm going to enjoy talking more about it.

And I have a selfish reason. I don't want to wash my dishes.

As I have done in the past, I'm going to ask dictionary.com to help me with the literal meaning of words.

Here's one definition of expectations.

Expectations: Prospects, especially of success or gain.

Ah, excellent! This is great. My friends, that is what I want us to focus on for a moment.

Notice what the dictionary says: "especially of success or gain".

Interesting. When we have an expectation, dictionary.com indicates that that expectation is for success or gain.

In other words, "I will gain something from this expectation. And it will be a good something. I will benefit from having this expectation met in a successful way."

I think I can safely say that most 'good' expectations come from repeated 'good' actions getting repeated 'good' (or successful) results.

Majority wins, yes?

For example, let's say I have dirty dishes in the sink.


I ask my daughter to wash the dishes on Monday evening.

And she does. The dishes are done! WOO HOO!

Success! My instructions were followed, and something good came from that.

When I give instructions to my children and they follow my instructions, learning/doing something 'good'...I am pleased and I will expect them to do the same thing next time.

Okay...so now it's Tuesday night. And I ask Hannah to wash the dishes.
And again, lo and behold...she does what I ask.

Excellent! Success again!

So the next time I give instructions to my children and they follow them and again...the outcome is successful. WOO HOO! I am doing something right....my kids are doing something right...and it's all good. So I write the expectation down in my head.

Hannah washes the dishes four nights in a row. In fact, on Thursday, I didn't even ask. She just did it.

Again. It's good. My instructions are being followed. She knows what I want! I don't even have to ask her. She just does it.

BRILLIANT!



Now it's Friday. I walk into the kitchen...with the expectation that Hannah has done the dishes just like she has done for the past four evenings and...

and...

there are dirty dishes in the sink and Hannah is nowhere to be found.

This time...there is not success. What has happened here? Did Hannah forget? Weren't my instructions clear? I mean, I didn't even have to ask her to do them last night and she did them anyway! What is going on?

I am not happy.

My 'good' instructions were not followed. And because my instructions weren't followed...I'm going to have a talk with Hannah. Because this is not acceptable. It's not good.

My expectation has not been met in a positive way. It.is.not.good.

I am not happy with the outcome. I am not happy with my kids. In fact, you know what?? I may punish Hannah for not following my instruction. She knew the instructions I gave her and didn't follow them.

Now. Deep breath here.

Re-read that whole example of Hannah and the dishes. I'll wait.

*muzak plays softly in the background. C. sings robustly with Air Supply's 'All out of Love'*

Did you notice how much the word "I" (in various forms) was used??

About 30 times.

"My" and "I". "I" am in control of things. I gave the instruction. I bought the dishes. And....and...I even gave birth to the kid for crying out loud!

It was me! I am in control of this situation.

Or at least, one would think that I would be in control of this situation.

And it wasn't a bad thing! I mean, it's not like I asked Hannah to do something hurtful!

It should have worked out! While it was good, while it was successful...while the dishes were getting washed each night...I felt like I had control.

What happened to my control on Friday? Didn't Hannah know I was in control of the dishes? I thought she did. I gave her the dishes to do...and she didn't do them.

I should have control over Hannah...as I mentioned...I MADE her!!

For some reason I don't know....Hannah over-rode my expectation by not following my instruction. She did what SHE wanted...not what I wanted!!!

And what happened then? Not anything good, I can tell you that! Because my expectation was a good one...and should have been obeyed.

It's not fair!

Where is the joy when your expectation is NOT met?

I can't see the future...hm...I don't know if Hannah's going to make that mistake again or not....hm....and hm....I guess that I am not really in control of things like I thought I was.

My friends....I know that this is long...we'll look at this some more tomorrow.

I'm going to leave you with this thought:

Expectations come from our selfish desires that the things we want...the people we deal with...the situations we find ourselves in are met with success in our favor. Because when those expectations are met to our satisfaction, we think we're in control.

But...sadly...we are not in control. Not really. Because people are involved...and people are surprising...and people make mistakes. We can't make them do the things we want.

And experience joy. Not consistently, anyway.


Again, we are not in control.

Only God is.

God is.

Dishes...joy. Hm....guess I gotta go do those dishes now. You have a good day!

It wasn't what I expected!

Right now Christmas is on my mind.

I know...it's only September. I can hear you now..."C., you're as bad as the stores that have their decorations up as soon as the school supplies are sold in August!"

I know.

In fact, I'm listening to Christmas music right now.

And I'm working hard on the Christmas musical we're going to perform at church.

So you see, Christmas is on my mind.

And you know...when I get excited about something, I repeat myself.

Did I mention that Christmas is on my mind?

Okay...okay. Here's why. Really and truly.

I just finished reading "The Shack" by William P. Young. It's an amazing book. Seriously. I haven't been this excited about a read since 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows'.

And do you know why? It wasn't what I expected.

Which is, in fact, the beauty of it. I don't want to tell you all about the book...because I want to encourage you to read it for yourself. However, I will say that one (of the many!) ideas this book presents is the subtle difference between verbs and nouns.

Verbs are alive.
Nouns are dead.

Stop yawning! This isn't going to be a tiresome grammar lesson! But think about that for a moment.

Now think about Christmas.

Is your heart starting to clench? Did you begin to consider all the things you HAVE to do to get ready for it? The cost of the gifts, decorations, food? The get togethers where you have to see people you don't really want to see but you're expected to go....so you go...and ugh. 'C,' I can hear you say, 'I don't even WANT to think about Christmas!'


Why?

Simply moving a word from a noun form to a verb form has transformed how I think about Christmas...as well as other aspects of my life.

I've been thinking about this for the past couple of days. One thing I struggle with is expectations.

Expectations of myself...of others...of job situations...of people driving their Chryslers...of waitresses...and expectations of God.

I have a lot of those. And the expectations I believe God has for me.

Except that God is a verb...not a noun. "I am" not just "I".

Alive and moving.

So...expectations...which are a noun...are dead.

Instead...try 'expectancy'.

I think that's why we adults dread Christmas to the degree that we do. We are taking care of the expectations. Expectations of gifts for children. Expectations of parents who are planning dinners. Expectations of retailers regarding our spending. We have expectations about a Christmas bonus from our job to equal or be more than what we received the year before. We have expectations about the weather and snowfall.

We, as adults, are nouns. Dead.

But children....children are! They are expectant.

When I was a kid, we had an advent calendar that held a piece of candy. And each day we got a little closer to Christmas. Something wonderful was going to happen on Dec. 25th. We looked forward to it. Without expectations.

I think that's what we've lost! Oh sure, kids may have gift expectations...but they (for the most part) are expectant. Looking forward to what will happen.

There is energy there. In that expectancy.

Isn't it the same thing, C? I mean, expectations...expectancy...what's the diff?

Expectations follow rules. They bind us. They keep us from experiencing joy.

Expectancy however, is freeing.

It's about control, folks. And disappointment rarely shows up when one is expectant. But when one has expectations...like I did that certain Christmas morning when I got the wrong Adam Ant album...disappointment shows up and kills joy.

Expectancy allows joy to happen.

Joy to the World!


And so, as I think about God...instead of thinking I'm not meeting His expectations...I think...He's watching me expectantly...involved with my life...not just judging my actions...or inactions...but actively involved.

And me? Instead of expecting God to do this or that...I just...expect God!

Do you see what I mean? Can you feel that energy at all?

Hm...maybe it's just me. And that's okay. Because I don't really have any expectations about your response.

Oh! One more thing...by thinking in verbs...rather than nouns...there's a good chance I'll burn off some of those Christmas cookie calories, you know what I'm saying?